What’s the point in making a resolution, anyway? It’s just another example of picking something flawed in yourself that you promise to change, and by the end of January you’ve either forgotten about it or just plain given up.

My last girlfriend made a resolution last year to always stand by my side. Two weeks later she had no problem leaving me...sure, I got in a knife fight and she got nicked and ran, but that’s still breaking her promise, and anyone who can’t keep a promise just isn’t worth my time.

This year, the lead singer in our band, Bloody Scabs, made a resolution to get our band the exposure it deserved. He’s in prison now for exposing himself in a theater during a children’s movie.

Resolutions are for weak-minded, love-starved incompetents who need an excuse to make a change in their lives. I don’t make excuses for things that go wrong in my life…even though it’s never my fault.

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